Jacqueline's Secret
by Ahava96
Summary: Jacqueline has a secret she is keeping from D'Artagnan and it is tearing her--and them--apart. Can D'Artagnan find out what it is in time to save their friendship...and Jacqueline's life?
1. Chapter 1

Part 1

Jacqueline sighed and stretched luxuriously, letting the sun streaming in from the window warm her bare arms. She was well refreshed after her night's sleep and she felt…well…happy. Her momentary peace was shattered however when she realized that she was not the only one in the bed. Someone snuffled in their sleep, causing the young woman to freeze. Hardly daring to look, head pounding with the after effects of too much to drink, she turned to the side and looked down at the other head on the pillow with hers. Her gasp was audible as she looked down at the handsome and familiar man lying there. "Oh God, D'Artagnan," she moaned quietly. "What did we do?" She hardly remembered the night before. Siroc and Ramon were on patrol and she and D'Artagnan had gone to the nearest bar to drink. Obviously, the two had gotten a little out of hand. Jacqueline remembered D'Artagnan issuing some foolish sort of challenge or another and her foolishness in accepting the bet. They had both drunk far too much and then—Jacqueline closed her eyes as some of the memories of the night before came flooding back to her. The two friends stumbling back into the garrison, D'Artagnan and Jacqueline leaning on each other for support, muttering. D'Artagnan saying some foolish flattery that had actually gone to Jacqueline's head and the heated first kiss that the two had shared. Then the clothes flying as Jacqueline had tried not to let any space in between the two bodies. The feeling of being cherished as D'Artagnan whispered hoarsely against her throat and her hands tangled in his hair. Then, Jacqueline remembered the intense bliss—she closed her eyes, shutting out the images. This should not have happened, she should not remember it! D'Artagnan stirred a little in his sleep and Jacqueline froze. It would be a disaster if her friend woke up to find them sharing a bed. Quickly, she scrambled out, being quiet enough that she didn't wake him as she crept back into her bedroom. As soon as her door shut, she leaned against it and slid to the floor. "Oh Lord," she moaned. "What am I going to do? Please don't let D'Artagnan remember what happened, please!" She didn't know how her friend would treat her, but all she knew was that she couldn't let him find out. It was her fault it had happened; she had let her guard down, drank too much…anything. And now she would have to suffer the consequences. She just hoped that he wouldn't remember when he woke up.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

"Jacques?" the knock came at her door, surprising the kneeling woman.

She jumped to her feet and began dressing quickly. "Yes?" she called out in her man voice.

"Are you coming to breakfast?" It was D'Artagnan, and from the sounds of it, he didn't remember what had happened.

"Thank you Lord," she whispered to herself before answering. "Yeah, I'll be right there." She pulled her vest on over the loose Musketeer shirt and tied her hair up in a tight ponytail. Then, she opened the door to her room, peeking at her friend, her face afraid.  
"Jacques? Are you okay?" D'Artagnan asked. He was surprised by the flash of fear that he saw in his friend's dark eyes.

Jacqueline quickly masked her alarm when she saw that D'Artagnan looked no differently than he usually did. "I'm fine," she said, stepping out of her room and closing the door behind her. "Starving though," her smile was slightly strained as she watched her friend's face and saw him as he had been the night before.

D'Artagnan examined Jacqueline closely. She looked much the same as she always did, if a little paler. But something was hiding behind her eyes, something that she didn't allow him to see. "You sure you're fine?"

"If you don't stop asking, I'm going to have to beat you with a sword to stop your tongue," Jacqueline said, her temper showing.

D'Artagnan backed away, his hands held up, palms towards her. Something was definitely gong on this morning. Jacqueline was not usually this easy to bait. "Alright, alright. Let's eat," he said, quickly sitting down on the musketeer bench and pulling the put of coffee towards him.

Jacqueline let it slide for now. She didn't want to get into an argument with D'Artagnan as he always managed find out what was bothering her. "Pass the coffee," she muttered.

D'Artagnan obliged and even poured some into his friend's mug.

"Thanks," she said, not meeting his eyes. She only hoped that her friend would never find out about last night. Ever.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

"Jacques! Jacques?" D'Artagnan looked over at his riding companion. "Jacques!"

Jacqueline broke out of her thoughts and glanced over at her friend. "Sorry D'Artagnan, I wasn't paying attention. What did you want?"

"I wanted to know if you wanted to stop for lunch," D'Artagnan said, looking at Jacqueline quizzically. The Musketeer had been acting strangely for months, ever since they had gone out to that bar and gotten insanely drunk. D'Artagnan could hardly remember that night; only flashes and…something that could only have been a dream. Jacqueline could never have come to his bed that night, could never have kissed him like that, been with him. It was all a dream. It had to have been.

"Okay," she answered, riding over to the nearest clearing, swinging down off her horse and sitting, back against a rock.

D'Artagnan followed quickly, sitting down beside the young woman. "Listen, Jacques—Jacqueline, you've been acting strangely lately. What's going on?" his eyes were wide and dark, looking into Jacqueline's, lending support and comfort.

Jacqueline sighed and turned away. She couldn't tell him. She wouldn't. He would never understand. He was a cad, a lady's man, one who constantly flirted with anything wearing a dress. She knew that he would never want to support her. He would freak out completely and never speak to her again!

"There's nothing the matter D'Artagnan. I'm just tired lately is all," she said. Which was true. She had actually never been so tired in her life. What with the training and missions and such, Jacqueline was exhausted by the end of the day.

D'Artagnan nodded, knowing that it was true as well. There were more dark circles under the young woman's eyes and there was less zest in her fighting than usual. "Jacqueline, I can tell that something has been bothering you. You know that you can tell me anything. I promise that I wouldn't tell anyone. You can trust me." D'Artagnan placed his hand on Jacqueline's shoulder and looked into her eyes, trying to figure out what was going on beneath the surface of those deep pools.

"D'Artagnan, there's nothing going on with me!" Jacqueline said, jumping to her feet. She was touched by D'Artagnan's caring attitude, but could not let her guard down. If she did, she would end up telling him and then he would ride out of her life forever. "Now leave me alone!" she cried, running off into the forest leaving D'Artagnan sitting there, his mouth wide open with shock.

Jacqueline ran as fast as she could until a stitch in her side made her stop. Bile rose up in her throat and Jacqueline threw up, her stomach rebelling at its contents until she was on her knees, tears running down her cheeks. Her fears were finally confirmed. "Oh Lord, please make me strong," she whispered as she got back to her feet, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. She knew that D'Artagnan would be worried at her sudden outburst so she hurried back to the clearing. The young man was still sitting there, looking at her with the same wide eyed expression that he had worn since she had made her outburst.  
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, gathering up the remains of her lunch.  
D'Artagnan got to his feet quickly, putting a hand on his friend's arm. "Jacqueline, you can't lie to me. I know that something is wrong now. Please, talk to me!" His heart was aching and his mind whirling with what could make the normally composed and guarded young woman yell at him like that. Something was obviously bothering her and it hurt that she didn't trust him enough to tell him what it was.

"I can't D'Artagnan. There's nothing to talk about anyway. We had better get back to the garrison now," and before D'Artagnan could protest, she had jumped back on her horse and was riding away.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Jacqueline stood in her room that night, looking at her growing body. She knew what was going on, but she just couldn't believe it. She would have to quit the Musketeers and that was that. She would have to give up protecting her king and fighting Cardinal Mazarin's injustice. But she would have a child. Jacqueline put her hand over her stomach, protecting the life inside. She knew how fragile life was and she would do anything to protect her baby. D'Artagnan's baby. She smiled at how that sounded. D'Artagnan's baby. D'Artagnan and Jacqueline's baby. The smile fell from her face when she heard D'Artagnan's voice in the hallway. He would hate her forever if she told him. But he would hate her forever if she didn't tell him. The best thing to do would just be to leave. She wouldn't give a reason why, but she would leave. She had to. She couldn't try to change him—she didn't want to make him choose between her and the Musketeers. She knew what he would choose anyway and it would break her heart.

Closing her eyes, Jacqueline made her decision. She would leave the Musketeers before her friends noticed the weight gain and fatigue. She was surprised that they hadn't already, especially Siroc who usually picked up on everything. She was far enough along. It was probably all the activity that kept her slim. She shook her head, putting a hand to it as she tried to get her thoughts straight. Her head was spinning slightly and as she tried to steady herself, she knocked over a lamp on the table by the door. Immediately, running feet were heard in the hallway and knocks were coming at Jacqueline's door.  
"Jacques?" It was D'Artagnan but Jacqueline didn't think she could speak without throwing up.

"Jacques? Jacques are you okay? Let me in!" he ordered.

Jacqueline wanted to call out, to tell him that she was okay, but her mouth wouldn't work. Bile rose in her throat and she was using all her will power to keep it down.

D'Artagnan, outside the door, was waiting anxiously for Jacques to let him in. He had heard something breaking and then, when she hadn't answered…. "Jacques, I'm coming in," he announced, throwing his shoulder against the door once-twice before it opened to reveal the young woman bent over against the wall, pale and shaking.

"Jacques!" he cried, coming in and putting a hand around her shoulder. Quickly, he helped her to sit down on her bed until her color returned to normal and the shaking had stopped.  
"Jacques—Jacqueline are you all right? What's the matter?" he asked, his voice urgent with worry.

Jacqueline, after taking a few deep breaths, waved the man away, even though she was touched by his concern. "I'm fine D'Artagnan. Just extremely tired," she reassured him, trying to sound gruff as usual.

"Don't give me that Jacques," D'Artagnan whispered, frustrated with how little she as telling him. Something was obviously wrong and she was trying to be well…trying to be a man and keep it to herself. "I know something's up. You never get sick and yet here you are pale and shaking. You should to go see Siroc."  
"No!" Jacqueline's head jerked up and her eyes caught and held D'Artagnan's. "No, I'm fine. Really. I'll be fine after I get some rest. I promise."  
D'Artagnan watched her, wanting her to confide in him, but knowing that she wouldn't until she was ready. Something was different about her though. She carried herself differently, more hunched over and her hands were often wrapped around her middle. Jacqueline rarely got tired, and yet after just one morning bout with him, she was shaking—and not in a good way. He just hoped that whatever it was wasn't serious. She would tell him if it was…wouldn't she? D'Artagnan didn't know anymore. Jacqueline had grown so distant from him in the past few months, rarely speaking to him, only meeting his eyes when she had to. He was hurt by her attitude, and so made up for it by throwing his attentions on all the young ladies of his acquaintance, hoping that she would get fed up with his behavior and remind him that they were ladies and deserved to be treated with respect. But she hadn't. Instead, Jacqueline had seemed to grow farther away from him. Seeing the look in her eyes however reminded her of when he had found out about her secret. She was afraid—but of him?

"All right," D'Artagnan sighed, blowing a stray strand of dark hair from his face. "Just…Jacqueline, promise me that if your symptoms get worse you will go see Siroc? Promise?"  
Jacqueline smiled at his concern. "Okay," she said, even though she knew that she would never go to see Siroc. He would be sure to discover her secret in a minute and then she would be hung for treason. "Thank you D'Artagnan," Jacqueline whispered, quietly saying good-bye to the man who had been her best friend for over a year. "Good night." Good-bye.

"Good night Jacques," D'Artagnan said in the doorway. "Sleep well."


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

The next morning, D'Artagnan, Ramon and Siroc waited impatiently for their fourth musketeer comrade to join them for breakfast. Jacques wasn't usually this slow to breakfast. Something wasn't right.  
Just then, Captain Duval came out of his office, a letter in his hand. Seeing his three best men, he walked over, but it wasn't his usual brisk gait. The captain looked as if he were walking slower, taking more time, as if he were going to give the men news that they wouldn't like.  
"Capitan?" Ramon said, questioningly, getting to his feet. He had already polished off one bowl of porridge and two cups of coffee. A third cup was clutched in his hand.

"Jacques has left the Musketeers," Duval said, his voice sad and grating.  
Siroc and D'Artagnan jumped to their feet. "What???" D'Artagnan said.  
"That's not like him," Siroc added. Jacques wouldn't leave the garrison without telling his friends much less leave the Musketeers. It was absurd. Completely unlike Jacques. What could make him act so much against his nature that he would abandon his vow to fight Mazarin and protect the king?

"Something's wrong," D'Artagnan said, feeling it with a clenching in his gut.

"He writes a very simple letter," Duval said, still looking at the piece of paper with disbelief. "He says that the strain has just become too much and he has to leave. I think he may be in some sort of trouble."  
Siroc nodded while Ramon just stood there, dumbfounded.

"I want you three to go out looking for him. If he's all right then…well…he can leave the Musketeers with…well not with my blessing. But if something is wrong…."  
"We will bring our compadre back, sir!" Ramon assured his captain.  
Siroc and D'Artagnan nodded, Siroc, his brain working over time on what could be going on and D'Artagnan….D'Artagnan was shocked. He had known that something was up, but that Jacques was going to leave the Musketeers….

"We have to find him," D'Artagnan said suddenly, interrupting the Captain. "Something is wrong with Jacques and we have to find him!"

Duval nodded, for once not caring that his private had interrupted. "Well, get going then!"

The three men bowed quickly and ran out into the courtyard, saddling up their horses in record time. It was amazing Duval marveled how fast the men could move when a friend could be in danger. He would have to remember to use it in his next training exercise.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

Jacqueline had left the garrison late during the night, muffling her horse's hooves so they wouldn't make any sound on the cobblestones and taking all her belongings with her. She was dressed as a Musketeer still. She did not want anyone to spot her as a woman and recognize her as the accused murderess Jacqueline Roget. A pain in her abdomen made Jacqueline pull her galloping horse to a halt and bend over in her saddle. Maybe the bouncing was too much for the baby. Maybe she should be walking instead? Jacqueline didn't know much about birthing babies. She had helped her mother when she attended friends' birthings, but she did not know how to give birth herself or how the pregnancy was supposed to progress. Was something wrong with the baby?

Not wanting to cause harm to her unborn child, Jacqueline swung off the horse, landing in a heap beside it. Her legs were weak from another bout of pain, too weak at the moment to help her get back to her feet. When she could breathe again, Jacqueline knew that it was not safe for her out in the open. Minutes passed and Jacqueline found the strength to stand again. Using her horse for support, she got to her feet and managed to walk a couple steps before the pain came again. The spasms were closer together than before and Jacqueline was growing frightened. It was too early for the baby, too early for it to be coming! It began to rain then, soaking Jacqueline to the skin almost instantly. The clouds had been gathering all day and the young woman cursed that they had decided to let loose now. Her hair lay plastered to her head, her uniform clinging to her body, revealing the small bulge of her belly. She put her arms over her stomach, willing herself to stand, to find shelter, to protect her baby. Holding on to her horse, Jacqueline got to her feet. The only thing keeping her moving was knowing that she had to protect her baby, get to safety. The ground however grew quickly soggy and muddy with the rain, making Jacqueline slip. The pain came again, more intense this time. "Oh Lord, please help me," Jacqueline begged, whimpering as the rain ran over her body and down her nose. "Someone help me."


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

D'Artagnan rode over the landscape, frantically searching. Where could Jacqueline be going? Where would she feel safe? The…the Roget farmhouse! It had started raining by now, and D'Artagnan somehow knew that Jacqueline was in trouble. There was something wrong, something not right. Jacqueline needed help. Not even thinking clearly, not knowing what was leading him, D'Artagnan turned his horse around and headed in the direction of the Roget farmhouse. "Please be there Jacqueline," he muttered under his breath as the rain obstructed his vision.  
He might have ridden right past her if Jacqueline's mare hadn't whinnied. Knowing the sound instantly, D'Artagnan stopped his horse, jumping off and running to the heap that could now be clearly seen lying on the ground. Jacqueline was barely conscious, moaning and thrashing. Her hair was slicked back against her head and her Musketeer uniform was dripping.

"Jacqueline?" D'Artagnan knelt down beside her, already soaked from his ride, not caring that the ground was wet. "Jacqueline, wake up," he begged.  
She however refused. A tremor shook her body, leaving her weak and limp in his arms.  
Squinting, D'Artagnan looked around, finally spotting the dark shape of a house in the distance. Hauling the soaking woman into his arms, D'Artagnan began walking towards the place that had become his one goal for the night.

His black hair came out of its ponytail and stuck to his cheek. His feet slipped in the mud and several times, D'Artagnan almost fell, bringing Jacqueline down with him. Finally however, the farmhouse loomed in front of them. It wasn't the Roget property, but it was shelter.

Inside, the house smelled musty, as if it hadn't been inhabited in years. That was just fine with D'Artagnan. Quickly, he lit a candle and started a fire, laying Jacqueline down on a blanket that he found on one of the beds. "Come on Jacqueline, open your eyes," D'Artagnan begged, holding the young woman's hand. She was shivering still and her face was pale. Tremors kept going through her body and he wondered what was the matter with her. "Wake up Jacqueline!" he ordered in his fiercest voice. "You have to tell me what's wrong!"  
Jacqueline opened her eyes then and D'Artagnan almost cried when their gazes met. "D'Artagnan," she said quietly, a small smile coming to her face. "You-you f-found me." Her teeth were chattering making it hard for her to speak.  
D'Artagnan nodded, unable to express his gratitude that she was alive.  
The pain shot through Jacqueline's body again, making her close her eyes and bite her lip. The baby was coming. She knew it then. But she wasn't strong enough to do it on her own. She needed his help. "Help me D'Artagnan," she whimpered, holding his hand tightly in hers.

"I'm here Jacqueline," he assured her. "What do you need?"  
"The-the baby is c-coming," she hiccoughed, not meeting his eyes.

"The-the baby???" D'Artagnan cried, falling back. Jacqueline had a…gentleman friend? One who knew of her secret? One who she trusted more than him to protect her? One who she trusted enough to…. When? Where? HOW?? "How did…what…when?" he couldn't form a sentence.

Jacqueline smiled at her friend, too exhausted to keep her secret any longer. "You D'Artagnan," she breathed. "Your baby."  
D'Artagnan looked down at her strangely. Maybe she was hallucinating? It was impossible that the baby could be his. They had never been together. "Can't be," he said, affecting his old humor. "I tried, but you shot me down."  
Jacqueline shook her head as the pain hit her again. She waited until it had left, not realizing that she was squeezing D'Artagnan's hand to a pulp in the process. "It is," she whispered and tears began to leak out of her eyes. "There was that-that night. We got drunk. I left before you knew what had happened—when I woke up. I n-never told you. Y-you would have rejected me or laughed. You didn't remember."  
D'Artagnan was astounded. Him and Jacqueline? They had never been together. He had no memory but… "The dream," he whispered. "That was real?"  
Jacqueline nodded. "I didn't want to tell you. I was afraid. You didn't like me like that, you were with those other young women. You would have revealed my secret and—"

"Never," D'Artagnan cut in as he watched the tears roll down the pale, brave face.

She had been willing to go through it all alone, just so he would never have to know. "I would never tell your secret, never reject you. All those advances Jacqueline, they were real. I turned to other women when you turned me down. I don't take rejection well," he joked sheepishly. "But…I would be honored if you would be the mother of my child. I would have told you that from the beginning if only you would have let me. I-I love you Jacqueline and I will love our child. I will always be here for you," he ended, whispering as he kissed the soft cheek—kissed away all the tears.

Jacqueline had just lain there, staring at him, listening to his confession. She had finally told them and he…he had accepted her. He had told her that he loved her! "Oh D'Artagnan—" she began, only to be cut off by the fiercest pain of them all. Then, instinct took over. "Get me another blanket," she ordered.

D'Artagnan quickly snapped back into Musketeer mode when Jacqueline stiffened in his arms. Nodding, he got another old blanket and draped it across her knees as instructed. The wind howled outside, but Jacqueline paid it no mind. It was too early, and yet, the baby was coming.

"Please let my baby be safe," she whispered, sending up a quick prayer as D'Artagnan took off her pants and undergarments, carefully averting his eyes. She smiled and squeezed his hand, letting him know it was all right. "I need your help," she whispered then.

"Always," was all he said, ready to do as he was bid.  
"The-the baby is coming and I need you to-to deliver it," she said, seeing the shock and fear in his eyes, fear that was quickly masked. God how she loved this man. "Just-just catch it. Water. Boil water," she added as an after thought.

D'Artagnan looked from her to an old cooking pot that was sitting on the floor. The family had obviously left in a hurry. Hopefully, they were not dragged off by Mazarin's men.  
"I'll be fine," she reassured him, knowing that her time was getting closer.  
D'Artagnan nodded then. He knew to trust Jacqueline, and if she said that she was fine, really fine, then he would believe her. Quickly, he filled up the pot outside with water and hung it over the fire to boil.

Jacqueline knew that she couldn't resist any longer. She had to push. "Get ready," she said through clenched teeth before pushing. Agony tore through her, but she maintained consciousness. She would deliver her baby. Even though it was too early, she was ready and she would have this baby!

"Push!" D'Artagnan ordered, sweat beading his own brow as he watched the remarkable woman. She was still pale and shaking from being out in the rain and her cheeks were flushed from an inner heat. "Come on Jacqueline, push!" he could see a head coming out, and although it disgusted him, it fascinated him at the same time. This was his child being born and he was delivering it. "Good job Jacqueline, just push some more. The baby is almost out Jacques, keep trying." D'Artagnan was babbling but he didn't care. Jacqueline however, did.

"Shut up!" she ordered him, causing D'Artagnan to grin his old smile again before going back to the task at hand. He kept urging her on, causing her eyes to roll as she pushed harder.

"If you don't stop that mindless blather, I am going to give you a sound whipping when I am up," she threatened.

"Once this is over, you can do whatever you want to me," D'Artagnan gallantly promised her as he felt the little head slip into his hands.  
There was no noise from the baby as, with one more huge push, Jacqueline pushed him from her womb. Immediately, D'Artagnan cut the cord connecting the two—as instructed—and took her under drawers, using them to stop the blood flow while holding the baby in one hand. It was so small and perfect, but it made no sound. Everyone knew that babies were supposed to make sounds….

Jacqueline knew immediately that something was wrong. Getting up on her elbow, she reached out, taking the baby from her partner's arms and saw that it was not breathing. "No," she whispered, turning it over and slapping it on the back. "No!" she cried, when she sucked the mucus out of the baby boy's mouth and nose. "No!" the tears ran down her cheeks as Jacqueline realized that there was no sign of life in the little baby's body. "Oh God no!" she screamed, falling against D'Artagnan in her sorrow, letting him wrap is arms around her body and hold her. "No! He-he can't be dead. D'Artagnan our-our son. Look at our son. Isn't he beautiful? Why doesn't he cry D'Artagnan, why doesn't he cry?"

Tears entered D'Artagnan's eyes as he heard the strong woman break under the stress of the moment. Their—what a miraculous word to say, 'their'—baby was…was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. "I'm sorry Jacqueline," he whispered, holding her close to him as she placed the baby gently on the edge of the blanket. "I'm sorry that you felt you had to run away. I'm sorry."  
Jacqueline sobbed over the loss of her baby as she sat in D'Artagnan's arms, soaking his almost dry shirt.

Finally, her tears abated and she fell into a restless, feverish sleep. Knowing what had to be done, D'Artagnan used some of the boiled water to clean up the woman he loved and then to wash off their son. He had a son! D'Artagnan looked down at the little body in his arms and cried for the loss of his son. He was a father, but he had no child. Tears running down his cheeks, D'Artagnan went outside and buried the child under a large tree. "Sleep well little man," he whispered, letting his sorrow for a moment overtake him. Then, straightening up, D'Artagnan made his way back into the farmhouse. There was a living, breathing person who needed his help right now—who needed him to be there—and by God if he would let her down again!


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

"Where do you think D'Artagnan is?" Ramon asked his companion as they sat, taking shelter in the barn of a kind farmer during the storm. They had met up after completing their rounds with no sign of the other Musketeer and when the storm had suddenly blown up, the day had become like night. They had been searching all day, and both young men were tired, and unwilling to give up. They had to find Jacques and make sure he was okay. They were planning on going out again when the storm let up.

Siroc, who had been standing at the window, merely shrugged, letting his head rest against the cool sill. "He's probably safe. He might even be with Jacques."  
Ramon laughed appreciatively. "If anyone can find our boy, it's D'Artagnan," he said.

Siroc nodded. "I just hope Jacques is okay," he said. "It's not like him to just run off."

"I agree mi amigo, but all we can do is hope. We'll find him. We have to."


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

Jacqueline stirred, woken up by the silence after the pounding night rain. She was sore, and the memories of the night before came rushing back. Tears filled here eyes and she suddenly felt immensely alone. The door of the cottage opened, and Jacqueline sat up quickly, ready to defend herself if it was one of the Cardinal's men. She was relieved to see it was only D'Artagnan however. Her breath let out in a whoosh and a smile came over her lips.

D'Artagnan, upon seeing her sitting up, leaning against the wall beside the fireplace immediately put down the bucket of water he had been carrying and rushed to her side. He tried to cover his haste however by making a flippant remark. "Good of you to finally wake up lazy bones," he said.

Jacqueline smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder, nuzzling her way even deeper into his heart, but spoiling the moment when she elbowed him in the side. "Don't bug me," she said, closing her eyes.

D'Artagnan put his arm around her shoulder and held her, taking comfort in her warm body and her pulse. She had scared him going into labor like that. And knowing that she had been carrying his baby and never told him….D'Artagnan closed his eyes and pushed the image of his dead son out of his mind. "I'm glad you're okay Jacqueline," he said quietly, putting a kiss on the young woman's temple.

Jacqueline smiled and snuggled closer against his side. She reveled in the kiss that he gave so freely, one that she had wanted for a long time. "I'm glad that you came for me," she whispered.

"So am I," D'Artagnan said, not wanting to even think about what it would have been like for him and Jacqueline if he hadn't found her. She could have died, trying to give birth to her still born baby in the rain and he...if she had died, he would have been devastated. It still made D'Artagnan shake to think of not having Jacqueline in his life. To think that she had come that close to dying just yesterday….D'Artagnan wrapped his arm tighter around the young woman. "Why didn't you tell me Jacqueline?" he asked.

Jacqueline shifted, drawing away, the moment broken. "I was afraid," she said quietly, laying her hands on her stomach, tears coming to her eyes as she remembered her baby's death. "You weren't interested in me, not that seriously. The past few months, you have been in more relationships than I have been in my entire life. I felt…inadequate. I mean, all the girls that you have liked have all been feminine, simpering, beautiful girls. They wear dresses and go to parties and flirt with men. I…I'm nothing like them," she said, her back to her friend.

D'Artagnan's heart ached for the brave young woman. She had been through so much and she was afraid of his rejection.

"I don't want to be though," she said, turning to glare at D'Artagnan. "I am proud of who I am…most of the time. But I was afraid," she repeated. "I lost my mother, my father, my brother…everyone who was dear to me. I couldn't bear to tell you how I feel and have you reject me. I can't lose you D'Artagnan, not even as a friend! I would be happy just to be friends with you if that's all I can ever have. Just…please, don't treat me differently when we get home. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear to lose you."

D'Artagnan reached out, touching Jacqueline gently on the shoulder. She had said that she was coming back! "Jacqueline, I would never leave you, never reject you. I love you. You are the woman that I want. I don't want any of those simpering girls who just like my uniform and my smile. I want a woman who can think for herself and who isn't afraid or too awed of me to tell me when I'm wrong. You keep me sane Jacqueline. Without you, I don't know what I would do. I was so…hurt when the captain came out and said that you had left. I didn't understand why you left without saying anything. I had to find you. Jacqueline, that was the only thing in my mind yesterday, to find you. I couldn't just let you go without telling you how I feel."  
Jacqueline turned to face the man that she had come to love over the past year and a half. Tears were shining in her eyes as she leaned forward, into his embrace. "I love you too D'Artagnan," she whispered. "I'm sorry I ran off. I just…I was too afraid of rejection to tell you about the baby and now-and now it's-it's too late," she cried. "I'm sorry D'Artagnan, I killed our baby. It's my fault. It's my fault."

D'Artagnan held her in his arms and squeezed the crying woman gently as he stroked her hair. "That's not true Jacqueline," he said fiercely, keeping his own tears at bay. "It's not true at all. You did not kill our baby, do you hear me?" he took her by the shoulders and shook her, looking her in the eyes. "Our Lord brought our baby into this world to bring us together. We were simply not ready to accept the gift of a child. There was no soul in that body Jacqueline, it was never alive. The body was a shell created to help us to talk to each other. I am glad that we had the baby Jacqueline, whether he was alive or not. I can live without a child Jacqueline, but I could not live without you."

Jacqueline turned her tear stained face up to D'Artagnan. "I love you D'Artagnan," she repeated, lifting her face up to his and kissing him gently. "I love you."


End file.
